So if they are treated terribly for a long The door slam doesn’t happen overnight. however, it’s getting out of hand. We have been on & off for the past 7 months now, after a very intense and loving year and a half. What’s important to remember, here, is that you’re not just protecting yourself from further judgment, criticism, or other hurt but also from the pain behind them.
However long it took to get to this point, you still need time to honestly reflect on why you slammed the door and whether there’s anything the other could do or say that would justify reopening it. Your email address will not be published. I’ am sorry to hear this happened, but like I said, it’s possible to “revert” it.

In this case, I was a very young, immature and angry INFJ. It is life-changing for me! This is our ultimate defence mechanism. He (or she) will never let me back in.”. Here are 6 sneaky signs of self-sabotage plus some t. Your email address will not be published. It’s pretty easy to avoid an INFJ door slam. After years of giving empathy and receiving none, forgiving and forgetting, etc. These are good qualities to have, but they do tend to draw in needy, abusive or toxic people. Introverts love thinking, but what happens when our thoughts get out of control? Make gentle overtures to show your genuine remorse and to make amends, without expecting anything in return. Unfortunately, this also makes them a target for those who take advantage of anyone who seems to value relationships and service to others over their own emotional well-being. When we do it, we don’t look back. You are either on the cross or pounding in the nails. Doing nothing enables resentment to build up in the INFJ, causing a “last straw” moment where they finally decide they’re done. You earned to be treated with the same respect that you give to others. And when that happens, it’s likely a point of no return, as they are going to detach themselves from the other person, emotionally. Our hearts do deserve peace, and protection as well. I have lived longer than most of your readers; and, I can tell you from personal experience, to be an INFJ is a challenge. If you’re reading this as the friend of an INFJ, my hope is that this will help you see the Door Slam from the INFJ perspective.

If you’re interested in connecting with other INFJs from around the world, join Introvert Spring’s private INFJ forum. That's how this blog came to be. Otherwise, don’t be surprised if you find you have been betrayed. The real cause might surprise you. INFJs don’t want to lose anyone in their life, but we do want to feel good around the people we love. If you’re the one who’s had a door slammed in your face, and you sincerely want to make amends and reconnect with your INFJ friend, keep the following in mind: While keeping all this in mind, brush up on your INFJ facts.

The INFJ Door Slam is a common phrase used to describe a person with the INFJ personality type cutting someone out of their life, usually for good. My parents said to me once: “Protect yourself from harm. When we do it, we don’t look back. As badly as they may want reconciliation, an INFJ can sense when there are strings attached. I think it’s important for all INFJs who are considering a door slam to first consider taking a temporary break from the relationship or setting clear boundaries in an effort to save their relationship. They may just fade away without anyone noticing. You can do it without hesitation – and without feeling anything but relief. And you feel that pain along with their attacks. Many INFJ’s will, and quite often have resorted to the Door Slam. Do you struggle with introvert laziness? You gave it everything you got to save this friendship, and I believe that is enough. Setting Boundaries to Protect the INFJ Relationship, A Rare Look into an INFJ ENTP Relationship, 27 Insightful and Mildly Funny Introvert Quotes, Unexpected Ways Minimalism Liberates the Introvert Mind, A New Approach to Intracranial Pressure I Now Believe in (Treatment, Part 3).
One person is using the other person to meet their own needs, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and it’s hurting or draining that person. It’s just easier to go into “machine mode,” act as though everything’s fine, and go on about your day while remaining completely inaccessible — emotionally — to the one who hurt you. Remember, not EVERYONE is an INFJ therefore they should NOT be accorded the same cordialities and respect. It sounds harsh, but it’s sometimes the only way to protect ourselves. A few years ago, I had a friend who was someone I couldn’t imagine living without. It may seem like a harsh tactic, and it is, but from the INFJ’s point of view, they had no choice, and is not something done on a whim. One day, an INFJ will ‘click’ with someone just meant for them; and, above all else, an INFJ’s life is a lonely life so don’t let loneliness dictate what you do or continue in a relationship that was merely a lesson for you. Here are some introvert friendly tips. The INFJ door slam should really only be used in extreme cases of chronic emotional abuse, manipulation, or toxicity. INFJ door slam: 1. Thank you Catherine1000 for you kind words! But since you want to be there for those you care about — and you want to forgive those who’ve hurt you as soon as they show the slightest sign of remorse — you often put aside your need for alone time to serve the needs of another. Your email address will not be published. It’s extremely hard to regain someone who has “Door-Slammed” us, but it’s not impossible. You have my full support. Don’t cheat yourself out of that possibility by giving up too easily and thinking, “I’ve really blown it this time. Everything in this article is so accurate! there’s still a bit left of forgiveness inside of me and i just… am wondering if there is anything that could make the decision to make a door slam to be easier. Does the INFJ keep being friends with this person, even though it causes them pain (or some other chronic negative emotion)? At some point, something’s gotta give, either by choice or by necessity. I guarantee you, The Universe WILL NEVER open a door until you close one. And, these people have a tendency to take advantage of our very nature, sometimes over and over again.

Once an INFJ has made up his or her mind to slam the door on someone, every avenue of connection is closed off. You choose to feel nothing because every good feeling you used to have toward this person reminds you of their betrayal. i have always to be the bigger person, to forgive her and not do anything petty in return when she hurts me because i don’t want to upset her or lose our friendship. Nothing comes easy … so, if I may, I will share what little pearls of wisdom I have learned. Just make sure that it’s your decision, because only you know how you feel. Related: 10 Signs You Are The Rarest Personality Type. He is definitely worth the fight, I just want to know if I am wasting my time. This is our last resort, our absolute limit. You can still be civil, but even if the person who’s hurt you is acting in a pleasant manner and reciprocates the polite small talk, you don’t allow them any closer. It’s a process. They can choose to try to work things out with this person, set boundaries, or distance themselves from that person, while still maintaining some semblance of the relationship. Fortunately, we were able to resolve our issues and now have a strong and close relationship, but the INFJ door slam can leave a lot of damage in it’s wake, so tread lightly. if you feel that this friendship can be save, then give it one more chance. Move on. It really doesn’t matter.

And it’s too much.

You are right Udin, forgiveness is one of INFJ’s greatest strengths. You might even go so far as to seem to shift personalities from INFJ to INTP, favoring logic over emotion and avoiding any expressions of emotion that might tear open wounds that haven’t yet healed. If the relationship has become too one-sided, it’s time to talk about it honestly, before the INFJ even begins to consider the door slam as a potential solution. If you want true reconciliation badly enough, and if you’re patient and willing to do what it takes to rebuild trust, that door will reopen when your INFJ friend is good and ready. Give them another option.

Most of this article will be written as though you are the INFJ introvert. I am aware it wouldn’t apply to everyone out there, but once people are done with each other, isn’t it somewhat human nature to protect yourself and stop the pain someone else is causing you? Forgive… forgive everyone O my fellow INFJs…. WIll he ever come around ? This can open up the door to resolution and forgiveness. And when someone you want to trust kicks you when you’re already down (either because of them or because of someone else), you feel it more. The decision to resort to a Door-Slam is one of the hardest moments an INFJ will ever face. Above all else, ensure there is lots of time spent with the other people where you ONLY observe before committing to revealing something about yourself. We’re also always ready to lend a helping hand. From what I read here, I think there is still a chance.

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